Has your human or humans every taken you to dog training classes? Have they screamed at you and waved their hand in your face for an hour and a half while you sit there not having a clue what to do? Well don’t feel bad, it’s really the humans who who are being dumb. They expect certain responses from us that make absolutely zero sense. I learned that when my girl puppy human and Lady Charge took me to dog training classes trying to get me to run some dumb obstacle course.
Most dogs do the commands their humans give them because they want to please their human or they are mindless sheep that need a shepherd to tell them what to do, (most likely number two). Humans have come up with lots of humiliating tricks, (and I mean what are me ponies!?) for us to preform. They all make no sense and are extremely stupid and embarrassing. I was first taken to training classes because my girl puppy human saw a sorry excuse for a bulldog doing agility course on T.V. Of course that gave her the brainless idea that she should try that with me, and the next week I found myself in the town rec departments gym with two other extremely stupid dogs who actually thought that following dumb commands and making a fool of yourself was somehow fun.
Anyway, the first command my girl puppy human tried to get me to do was sit. Now of course I know what sit means but I prefer to do it whenever I want not whenever I’m told. Plus my girl puppy human was holding a treat up over my head so the logical thing to do was jump up and get it so that’s what I did. We tried this a few more times but my girl puppy human started holding the treat out of my reach so I had no choice but to sit down so that she’d hand over the treat.
My humans also tried to teach me how to come. I had no problem with this one according to my humans, but I wasn’t doing it for them I was only coming because my girl puppy human was holding food out in front of me so the obvious thing to do was run and to her so she’d give it to me. That command made the most sense of all of them but the command before come really had me stumped. Stay makes no sense at all. Why should I sit and wait for my treat when I can just go to my girl puppy human who has them. All the other dogs just sat there mindlessly staring off into space until their human called them. What’s the logic in that.
In the end my humans apparently decided I was hopeless or something but the truth is I‘m the smart one and it was the other dogs who are hopeless. The only thing I did learn at dog training class is that I’m the only intelligent one in a world full of idiots.
Dear Bulldog Mama, You are indeed onto something here. I like the concept of just waiting until the goodies come instead of working hard or even worse sweating. However, I do think you would look adorable doing fancy tricks. After all when do you not look adorable?
Ooops. Sorry, I mean Blanche.