Well hello fans, it is I the amazing Blanche the Bulldog and I’m here to tell you about the dangers of the outdoor world. Sure many people assume dogs love being outside but that’s the stupid ones. The smart ones like yours truly hate being outside for there are many dangers in that vastly unexplored place. Let me tell you about them.
The first reason the outside world is dangerous is because of roads and worse yet rode demons!. Sure many people call them cars or automobiles but if you’ve witnessed there true colors like me you would call them road demons too. One time I was on a nice walk with my humans alongside a busy road. I didn’t understand the threat of the outside world back then though for I was only a wee little pup. Anyway I turned my back to the road for a split second and the mother of all road demons called “Shudder” a BUS snuck up right behind me and blew it’s horrid horn as loud as it could! Even though I am the bravest dog out there even that scared me and I jumped straight up into the air! After that I was always very weary of busy roads because that’s where the giant, loud and the most terrifying of all road demons live.
One of the other reasons to avoid the outdoors is other dogs. Sure most dogs are fine but every once and a while you run into a crazy one! For instance one time I was out on a walk with Lady Charge (my favorite human in my pack) minding my own business when a giant slobbering nightmare of a dog lunged out of a car window and made a beeline right for me. Luckily Lady Charge kicked that beast and that slowed it down a little but it still tried to attack me! Fortunately the human of that nightmarish beast grabbed it and I didn’t get too hurt but you can understand how that would make me weary of the outdoors!
The third and final reason to avoid the outdoors is because indoor life is SO, SO much better! Sure humans are dumb most of the time but they have created some pretty great things such as the heater witch keeps you warm, the air conditioner which keeps you cool and the couch that keeps you comfy! With all the comforts of indoor life there really is no reason to venture out into the dangerous and unpredictable outdoors. The only outdoor place I still go (without being forced) is my backyard. At least there I’m protected from road demons and crazed hounds! But seriously can’t humans use their big ugly heads to add air conditioning and couches to the outdoors!? Then I’d gladly go outdoors.
- Blanche the Bulldog