Ask Loretta: Yale’s New Mascot

Dear Beautiful Loretta,

Recently there was a competition for a successor in the long line of Yale Mascots and Handsome Dan XVI was chosen. However, this correspondent believes that there is no better looking bulldog alive today than yourself, The Little Girl, the Handsome Loretta.

So, if you would like to present yourself as available for selection as the Yale Mascot, I can make this happen. I would be able to “disappear” the incumbent, and arrange for the elevation of Loretta to the position by acclamation. No politicking necessary!

White House soirees, Harvard-Yale football games, and many other opportunities will be in your future if you take me up on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Please say yes!! I beseech you not to disappoint the Old Blues!

Sincerely, Eli ’68 Continue reading “Ask Loretta: Yale’s New Mascot”

Ask Loretta: Exercise Recommendations

Dear Loretta,

I must seek your advice about physical exercise. What is a healthy amount of exercise for us smooshed face breeds? Given our breathing difficulties and awkward bone structure, is it appropriate for my parents to expect me to run up seven flights of stairs several times a day? Also, how do you keep such a girlish figure, especially considering that horrible procedure we had to undergo to prevent us from becoming mothers?

Stella Leonard
Black Pug
15 lbs. and gaining Continue reading “Ask Loretta: Exercise Recommendations”