Author: Racky

If you want to know all about the beach then I am the pug to talk to. I know everything about the beach because I have gone there so many times over the years  with Lady and Man. Many people have asked me what the meaning of the beach is and it is very clear it is a place for dogs and humans to have a good time both in the big blue and on the sand.

On of my many favorite things to do on the beach is run really fast up and down the sand. I run and run and run and then I turn around and run and run and run back to Lady and Man. If I run to far I will not be able to find them and then I will never get to have chicken again. I like chicken. One time I did run to far but them Lady and Man chased after me before I could be lost and never have chicken again. I like chicken.

On of my other favorite things to do at the beach is splash around in the surf. I always stay very close to the shore though because of no chicken that’s why. I am also not very good at the doggy paddle and that did not end well for me once because I frolicked to far out and all of the sudden me paws were not touching the sand anymore they were touching nothing. I thrashed and thrashed trying to get Lady and Mans attention but with no luck. My head went under but luckily I saw a orange thing through the murk of the water where I could put my paws and not drown. I pumped my legs with all my might and my front quarters flew on to the orange thing. Unfortunately there was a kid on that thing and he screamed and ran off to the shore leaving me stranded. The good news was by then Lady and Man had spotted me and Lady had to dive in the water with her close on to rescue me. Since then I have only frolicked in the very edge of the waves so that I never get stranded again.

Sometimes my sister Loretta even comes to the beach with me to enjoy some romping in the sand and frolicking in the waves. Loretta and I have so much fun together on the beach and spend quality brother sister time with one another. One time we even raided a picnic. I snuck up and plucked a slice of ham and some corn on the cob. I even took a bite of chicken. I like chicken. Then I brought the stolen treats back to Loretta and she thanked me by sitting on my head while she eat her ham slice and corn on the cob. I love Loretta. But I love chicken even more.

As you can see the beach is on of the best ways to spend your day at. You can romp in the sand, frolic in the waves and spend one on one time with your family. Sometimes you can even steal chicken from a picnic. I like chicken.   

If you want to know all about Valentine’s Day I’m the pug to talk to. I know everything there is to know about Valentine’s Day. Many people have asked me what the meaning of Valentine’s Day is. Is it when you get stung by the bee that you didn’t know was in the flower you picked for your date? Yes, kind of. Is it when you accidentally poo in your true love’s water dish thinking it was a toilet? Yes, partly. Is it when you attack the TV in front of your date when you think there’s a lion in there and you try to protect her but instead you give yourself a minor concussion?  Unfortunately, yes. Valentine’s Day is a day to be with your true love but it is also a day to make a complete fool of yourself in front of your date. But I had to learn that the hard way.

For Valentine’s Day I knew exactly who I wanted to ask out. She’s the most beautiful, wonderful pug I have ever met. She has the softest black hair and the cutest curly tail. Her name is Stella and I have always wanted to ask her out for Valentine’s Day but only this year I finally had the courage to confront her. And by some miracle she said yes! Stella is the most perfect pug in the world (her only flaw is that she’s best friends with Loretta) so I wanted this to be a perfect night for us. I picked her a bouquet of hosta flowers, dandelions, and weeds I stole a chicken wing out of the refrigerator for us to share. I like chicken. And I even made her a necklace of dog treat hearts (but I ate half of it by the time she arrived.)

When Stella came prancing in the front door she was even more beautiful then I remembered. She had a rose tucked behind her ear and her collar had little hearts embroidered on it. Best of all she smelled like chicken. I like chicken. We said hello by sniffing rears and then I presented to her the dog treat heart necklace and the bouquet of flowers I had picked. As I pawed her the flowers a bee flew out and headed straight for my face. It turned its pointy backside at my delicate nose and began stinging it! I whimpered and hopped around from the pain. Stella finally killed the bee with her rawhide bone and then removed it painfully from my nose. What a girl!

After I had presented Stella with the necklace and flowers we went to the kitchen to enjoy the chicken wing I had snatched from the refrigerator. We split it in half and I swallowed it on one gulp. Stella on the other paw took teeny bites of her chicken. I waited and waited for her to finish and I started to feel the need to use the bathroom. I didn’t want to be rude and leave without her finishing so I tried to hold it but very soon it was clear it needed to come out. I jumped up and ran to the back door whimpering for my humans to let me out but they must have had Valentines plans of their own because they weren’t coming. I rushed around the house desperately looking for a place to relieve myself. Finally I found a toilet. I don’t usually use them (they are for the humans) but I don’t think my humans would have been pleased if I just went on the floor. After I had finished I turned around trying to find my way back to the kitchen. Stella would probably be wondering where I had gone. I was in for a terrible surprise though when I turned around. Stella was standing right there! She had watched me poop! But why was she in the bathroom? That’s when I made an even worse discovery. I looked down and realized that I had just pooped in Stella’s water bowl! I would have turned fire-hydrant red if dogs could blush.

After the water bowl toilet incident Stella and I went to watch a romantic nature show on TV. Everything was going fine I hadn’t done anything embarrassing for 10 minutes and Stella’s cute little paw was resting on top of mine. That’s when I saw the lion on TV. It roared loudly and came running toward us. I warned Stella to stand back and that I would take care of this. Then I charged bravely at the TV. Well I thought I looked brave. What I actually ended up looking like was a dumb pug running into a TV. After I had collided with the TV my head was spinning so much I had to lie on the floor for five minutes before I could stand upright. After that Stella changed the channel so I wouldn’t suffer any more concussions that evening.  

When It was time for Stella to go home I walked her to the front door and said goodbye, disappointed the Valentine’s date hasn’t been all that perfect. But what Stella did next made up for all the disasters that had happened that night. She licked me! Right on the nose where the bee stung me, then with that cute smile she does she headed out the door. After that I fainted from love and when my owners got home they thought I was dead, but that was still one of the best nights of my life.

If you want to know all about crayons I’m the pug to talk to. I know everything about crayons because I have eaten so many of them. Many people have asked me what the meaning of crayons is and it is simple and very clear. Crayons are for eating!

Crayons are one of the best tasting things other than food or chicken. I like chicken. There are lots of crayons at my house because my human puppys use them all the time for coloring. For some reason they don’t eat them. If only they knew what they were missing out on. Luckily for me they also leave them all over the floor and that’s how I eat them.

Crayons come in many different colors. Red, orange, blue, green the list goes on and on. Surprisingly and disappointingly they don’t have different tastes when their color varies. My sister Loretta tells me that eating crayons is disgusting and that it’s bad for my teeth. I don’t listen to her though (plus I’m already am missing most of my teeth).

As you can see crayons are a very tasty and colorful way to fill your tummy. They will never be as tasty as chicken though I like chicken.                  

If you want to know all about babies I’m the pug to talk to. I know everything about babies because I have had to put up with not one but two of them! They pull your ears, rip your fur out, and grab your tail every time you walk by. They are intent on making my life as miserable as possible.(Just like sisters). The only things that got me through those dark times was the thought of them growing up and leaving, and chicken. I like chicken.

The babies that live in my house have many methods of making my life miserable. First they steal all the attention from me and my sister Loretta. Well that’s not true. Loretta still gets lots of attention from Man, but Lady is the one that gives me attention and she’s much too busy with the baby. Once they were both so busy that they forgot to let me outside, and I pooped in the kitchen.

Another way that the babies have made my life miserable is by messing up my sleep schedule. I need my rest or else I get oblivious to what’s going on around me, and Loretta can sneak up and sit on my head before I realize she’s there. The babies don’t seem to appreciate my personal problems though because they scream all through the night so I barely catch any z’s at all.

The worst thing yet about babies is that they don’t eat real food. They eat gross mushed up stuff that smells like dried fruit. Even I don’t want to eat that stuff when it drops on the floor and I’ll eat anything. (I eat it anyway though because if I do it insures I’ll make it to dinner without passing out from hunger).

As you can now see the meaning of babies is to steal all the attention from you, keep you up all night and drop food for you that probably isn’t even edible. Hopefully one day they’ll grow up and drop lot’s of chicken for me. I like chicken.

If you want to know all about laps I am the pug to talk to. I know everything about laps because they are one of my most favorite things in the whole world. They are not better than chicken though. I like chicken.

Laps are very comfy to lay on when you are tired after a long day of eating and waiting for food and more eating. My favorite persons lap to lay on is the Lady’s. Her lap is the best because Man is always getting up so I can never get comfy on his.

The best laps to lay on are the big ones because there is more room. I have tried laying on little laps like the small boy and girls but they are much too small for a pug like me. I have sat in many humans laps over the years and think of myself as an expert on determining which are more comfy and in my opinion bigger tends to be better when it comes to confort.

My sister Loretta knows that I love laps so that is how come she made it her mission to never let me have any lap time. Whenever I am snuggling with the Lady she jumps up on the couch pushes me aside and makes the Lady give her all of the atition. She also told me that if I snuggle with the Lady she will sit on my head for an hour as punishment. Sometimes when Loretta is not looking though the Lady lets me sit on her lap anyway.

As you can now see the meaning of laps are to be a warm, comfortable place for a pug like me to rest his head after a long day. Laps are one of the most wonderful things in the world if you ask me. But not as wonderful as chicken. I like chicken.    

If you want to know all about sisters I am the pug to talk to. I know everything about sisters mostly because I have one named Loretta. Lots of people have asked me what the meaning of sisters is, is it to annoy you, well partly, is it to have them tease you, yes that too, is it to have them just overall make your life miserable, well yes, yes those are the meanings of sisters and I should know because I have to live with Loretta.

Loretta also teases me all the time. She teases me about my snoring not being loud enough to be qualified as a real pug. She teases me about always wanting food. Who doesn’t want food all the time?! My favorite food is chicken. I like chicken. Loretta’s all time favorite thing to tease me about is my stuffed hedgehog that I carry around all the time. I think that anyone who doesn’t carry around a stuffed animal is crazy but I think Loretta thinks the opposite of me on this matter.

Loretta makes my life miserable every time she has the chance. This is the most important rule of being a sister I believe. She makes sure everyday I get my daily time of having my head sat on, she takes all my favorite toys and bones, even my chicken flavored bone! I like chicken. And how could she forget to steal all the love from me when the Lady or the other humans are for once giving me attention.

Yes, the meaning of all sisters is to annoy, tease and make their siblings lives as miserable as possible. I still love my sister though. I also love chicken. Chicken is the best.  

When it comes to knowing all about life I’m the guy to talk to. Lots of people have asked me what the meaning of life is. Is it love? is it friends and family? It’s none of those things as a matter of fact it’s food!  

Food is the most wonderful thing in the world. It tastes good but I wouldn’t know because I don’t have any teeth so I can’t chew, but it also makes your tummy feel nice and full. My favorite kind of food is chicken! I like chicken.

I spend lots of my time waiting for food to come. Every time someone walks by my food bowl there is a possibility that food could be coming. My sister Loretta tells me that I’m wasting my life waiting for food all day but I know she is wrong. Anything that has to do with food like waiting for it is not wasting.

There are lots of different kinds of food and all of them are good to me. I will eat any food you give me even if it is really old. I also eat things that are not food like my own poop! My favorite kind of food is chicken. I like chicken.

When there is no food in my bowl there are still other places I can get it like the kids. They drop lots of it on the ground and I like to eat it up. They don’t eat chicken though. I like chicken.

As you can now see food is the meaning of life! Food is the most wonderful thing in the world and we should all love to eat it. But we should love chicken the most. I like chicken.