Squirrel baffled by baffle!

A few years ago my humans decided to embrace their love of the backyard birds and put feeders all around the yard. Now I was quite happy with this because I quite enjoy birds for many reasons too. They are pretty, interesting to watch, and perhaps the best thing of all about them is how fun it is to chase them. For the first couple days it was very peaceful in the backyard. I lounged around watching the birds come and go (and chased a few too). But that was before the squirrels invaded.

They came charging forward, lunging onto the feeders and draining them in mere seconds! Every time I saw one of the beady-eyed vermins stuffing their faces at the feeder I bravely chased them away but I couldn’t be there every second. After all dogs need weekends too! Soon it was clear to the humans that they needed to invest in something other than an overwhelmingly beautiful bulldog to protect their yard from the fiendish squirrels.

So the big, male, puffy haired human ordered a squirrel baffle to stop the little jerks from eating all the seeds. Now let’s pause the story for a moment because it has come to my attention that most of you people have been wondering their whole lives why dogs hate squirrels. Well the answer is they are jerks! Take a moment and think of the person you hate most. Maybe it’s because they’re greedy and selfish and always act like you’re a stinky turd compared to them. Well that’s what squirrels are like except instead of it just being one person it’s a whole species! Anyway back to the story, the male puffy haired human installed the squirrel baffle and for the first few months it seemed to work. I would sit and laugh hysterically as they tried over and over every day to get past the squirrel baffle but they never could. That was until this spring when Mr. Nubby Tailed squirrel figured out how to get past the baffle.

At first I had no idea how the squirrels were getting up on the feeder. It infuriated me! Finally I caught a squirrel I call Mr. Nubby Tail (because he has a short tail) in action. Basically the little evil genius ran as fast as he could, jumped up, and used the baffle to trampoline himself onto the feeder! And of course just when I thought I didn’t have to deal with the evil squirrels anymore they had returned!

Over the course of the next week the humans have tried many things to prevent the squirrels from accessing the feeder. They have moved the feeder, they have moved the baffle up and down, but nothing has stopped the squirrels! Finally the male puffy haired human had had enough and he went online and bought a fancy feeder that closes when something over the weight of a bird (like an evil squirrel) is on it. The fancy feeder still hasn’t arrived but for now I enjoy watching the squirrels that still haven’t figured out how to get over the baffle and dreaming of rubbing it in the evil Mr. Stubby Tail’s face when the day comes that he’s prevented from getting to the feeders.