Dealing with obnoxious little kids

Are you forced everyday of your life to share your home, humans and sometimes even your bed with annoying and obnoxious little kids? If you do I’m sure you know that it makes your life absolutely miserable but I have some good news for you baby. If you follow my helpful tips those little pests will always respect you and your property.

The first tip is to not let the enemy invade your territory. In order to do this there are a few simple tricks you can use. There’s the simple yet effective growl and show your teeth when baby gets to close, there’s the toy bin mysteriously falls and traps little Timmy underneath, or my personal favorite the room clearing gas bomb. Baby will not stick around long after she smells that.

When trying to escape from little kids there are a few tricks you can use. There’s the retreat to place baby or toddler can’t get you like the scary basement stairs, the thick backyard bush, or the too high bed. You can also accidently trap baby behind the door, under the randomly falling laundry basket or up on the chair they can get up on but not down. My favorite by far is throw the stupidest of your roommates, for example pug brother under the bus and while baby is distracted by pulling his ears flee for safety.

Now that you’ve learned how to keep baby away and how to escape it’s time to have some fun. To deal with a little kid you should also give them a taste of their own medicine. For example, you can tease baby by holding, again your stupidest room mate’s tail just out of pulling range of baby. This is sure to cause a lot of frustration for baby and laughs for you. But it is important to never use your own tail incase babys had a growth spurt and you haven’t noticed, or he learned to fly. You can also annoy baby by whenever your grown humans aren’t looking, jumping up and stealing her meatballs of the highchair tray. But you have to be cautious because of what happened to pug brother once. Mama turned around and pea brain pug was still licking meatball juice of babys tray. That didn’t end well for pug brother.

As you can see baby there are many ways to deal with annoying and obnoxious kids. Keep in mind the Baby Girls tips when dealing with your little nuisance. That is unless you want to become like pug brother, the living Doggy playground.       




Commands and How to Follow Them

An perfect example of a brainless dog

Has your human or humans every taken you to dog training classes? Have they screamed at you and waved their hand in your face for an hour and a half while you sit there not having a clue what to do? Well don’t feel bad, it’s really the humans who who are being dumb. They expect certain responses from us that make absolutely zero sense. I learned that when my girl puppy human and Lady Charge took me to dog training classes trying to get me to run some dumb obstacle course.

Most dogs do the commands their humans give them because they want to please their human or they are mindless sheep that need a shepherd to tell them what to do, (most likely number two). Humans have come up with lots of humiliating tricks, (and I mean what are me ponies!?) for us to preform. They all make no sense and are extremely stupid and embarrassing. I was first taken to training classes because my girl puppy human saw a sorry excuse for a bulldog doing agility course on T.V. Of course that gave her the brainless idea that she should try that with me, and the next week I found myself in the town rec departments gym with two other extremely stupid dogs who actually thought that following dumb commands and making a fool of yourself was somehow fun.

Anyway, the first command my girl puppy human tried to get me to do was sit. Now of course I know what sit means but I prefer to do it whenever I want not whenever I’m told. Plus my girl puppy human was holding a treat up over my head so the logical thing to do was jump up and get it so that’s what I did. We tried this a few more times but my girl puppy human started holding the treat out of my reach so I had no choice but to sit down so that she’d hand over the treat.

My humans also tried to teach me how to come. I had no problem with this one according to my humans, but I wasn’t doing it for them I was only coming because my girl puppy human was holding food out in front of me so the obvious thing to do was run and to her so she’d give it to me. That command made the most sense of all of them but the command before come really had me stumped. Stay makes no sense at all. Why should I sit and wait for my treat when I can just go to my girl puppy human who has them. All the other dogs just sat there mindlessly staring off into space until their human called them. What’s the logic in that.  

In the end my humans apparently decided I was hopeless or something but the truth is I‘m the smart one and it was the other dogs who are hopeless. The only thing I did learn at dog training class is that I’m the only intelligent one in a world full of idiots.