I’m desperate to find love, but I’m tired of the dating scene. I’m close to giving up hope. What should I do?
Dear Love Lost,
Well, you certainly present a conundrum, now don’t you? Well, it’s a conundrum to normal people, but to me your problem is very simple. What you need to do is act like the Baby Girl you are (I’m assuming you’re a baby girl. If you’re not a baby girl you really should look into becoming a baby girl. Yes. You should.). You need to embrace your inner princess and let the world know exactly how gorgeous you really are. I do this every day. Of course, it’s easy for me because I really am gorgeous. Yes. I really am. For you it might be harder because I’m assuming you’re not all that gorgeous. Otherwise, you’d have yourself a lover by now.
Then again, you can always do what my brother Racky does: run to the basement and hump your bed.
Loretta the Baby Girl