Ask Loretta: Political Aspirations

Dear Loretta,

My great-great-aunt, Loretta, was mayor of Bloomingburg, NY.

Would you ever consider a run for elected office?

The Grande Dame

Dear Grande Dame,

The Baby GirlBefore I begin, let me congratulate your family on having an esteemed member named Loretta. You’ve truly been blessed.

As for political aspirations … believe it or not, I get asked this question all the time. It’s because I’m a natural leader and people are drawn to me. It’s also because I’m gorgeous and everyone knows the world desperately needs attractive politicians.

I do have political aspirations and I do believe I could change the world into a Baby Girl’s Heaven on Earth. But there’s a problem.

You’ll have to give me a moment because anytime I think of this problem it makes the Baby Girl very sad.

Okay, I pushed my sadness deep down into my soul (you see what I do for people? I really am wonderful. I really am).

My “problem” is this: there are serious questions about my family history. I’ve attempted to trace my lineage, but my efforts have proved fruitless and frustrating. All I know is that I was supposedly born in Russia and then brought into the United States via Canada. Now, the Baby Girl has a photographic memory, but even I cannot remember things from my earliest days. And so here I am, wondering from whence I came.

But Loretta, you might ask, why oh why would it matter where you’re from?

Grande Dame, that is an excellent question. And I’ll answer it thusly: There are many unscrupulous and horrible people out there who would take my history and turn it against me. Perhaps they’d make claims that I’m a Communist or a member of the Russian Mafia or perhaps even a Russian Mafia Communist. Or, even worse, maybe they’d say that since I came through Canada I might be a Montreal Expos fan. That’s right. A Montreal Expos fan! Not only was the team horrible, but now the team doesn’t even exist!

These thoughts haunt me.

On a personal level, I have come to terms with my history. Fortunately, I am a dynamic figure and I have set about crafting my own history; a history that will fill in my family gaps and inspire the unwashed masses. Already it’s proving to be a history on par with the world’s most impressive figures: People like Alexander the Great, Winston Churchill and Kelly Clarkson.

But I fear the rest of the world will not be so forgiving. The last thing the Baby Girl needs are a bunch of opportunistic muckrakers fumbling around in my genealogical closet. I simply don’t have time for such nonsense.

Ultimately, the whole affair makes me very sad. Not because I am limited by my past. Rather, because the world will not be touched by my political genius. It’s a horrible thing. It really, really is.

Loretta the Baby Girl Political Exile

Author: Loretta

Loretta the Bulldog is one of the most wonderful Bulldogs in the world. Her owners love her dearly and they will treasure the memories she made for them always. Loretta started publishing on when she felt that more people needed to hear the voice of a bulldog with great advice. She has been publishing ever since trying to give readers her great advice. Loretta enjoys sitting on her brother Racky's head, boxes and dog treats. She sincerely hopes that you will enjoy!