The Keys to Territory

When it comes to territory there are many important keys to understanding it. It is very important to have territory when you are a dog so that other dogs and leser animals like squirrels and bunnies know that you are in charge in this area and they should stay out of your way. You should claim as much territory as you can because the more you have the more powerful you will be. You must not only claim territory but also protect what is already yours. You don’t want any intruders to invade so if you see any run them off immediately. When you have territory you must also know how to use it. There are many things you can do on your territory that you will see are quite great.

When claiming territory the most common way dogs do this is by spreading their urine on whatever they want to be theirs. They will often put messages in like “stay back” or “this is mine.” Although most people think that only male dogs mark that is not true at all. I have many times after another dog urinates on my territory gone right over and peed exactly on top of their spot to show that this is mine and not theirs. Most dogs leave small messages but I want to have others understand not to mess with me so I leave something more like this “stay back or I’ll send the vacuum cleaner after you.”

Protecting territory that is already yours is a very important because you do not want to lose it to invaders. If you are a brave and courageous bulldog like me you will most likely have no trouble at all protecting what is yours. But for those of you who don’t have as much experience here are a few pointers. First whenever you hear a sound that you are unsure of you should bark at it. This may drive your humans insane but what they don’t understand is that we’re protecting them from what could possibly be an invader by scaring it of with our terrifying barking. Humans are so strange. Second if you do spot an invader like a squirrel, bunny, or in the worst case the mail carrier, chase after them until they have left your territory (or in the mail carriers case bark and lunge at the door). Third and finally you should also patrol your territory daily to make sure there is no suspicious activity that you should know about. If you happen to stumble across some see above what to do.

There are many wonderful things that you can do on your territory that you can’t do anywhere else. For example since you are in charge here when your dog friends come to play they have to listen to what you say and if they don’t you can nip their ears until they do. You can also explore freely without worrying about other animals attacking you for invading. The only animals that don’t follow this rule are chipmunks. I hate those little guys! The most wonderful thing of all though is that you can use the bathroom wherever you like without getting threats from other dogs about using the bathroom on their lawn. (That’s why I never use the bathroom on walks).

As you can now see territory is a very important thing that all dogs should have. I hope you have learned about the keys to claiming and maintaining your territory. I also hope that if you see any chipmunks you will chase them off for me.      

Racky and the meaning of Laps

If you want to know all about laps I am the pug to talk to. I know everything about laps because they are one of my most favorite things in the whole world. They are not better than chicken though. I like chicken.

Laps are very comfy to lay on when you are tired after a long day of eating and waiting for food and more eating. My favorite persons lap to lay on is the Lady’s. Her lap is the best because Man is always getting up so I can never get comfy on his.

The best laps to lay on are the big ones because there is more room. I have tried laying on little laps like the small boy and girls but they are much too small for a pug like me. I have sat in many humans laps over the years and think of myself as an expert on determining which are more comfy and in my opinion bigger tends to be better when it comes to confort.

My sister Loretta knows that I love laps so that is how come she made it her mission to never let me have any lap time. Whenever I am snuggling with the Lady she jumps up on the couch pushes me aside and makes the Lady give her all of the atition. She also told me that if I snuggle with the Lady she will sit on my head for an hour as punishment. Sometimes when Loretta is not looking though the Lady lets me sit on her lap anyway.

As you can now see the meaning of laps are to be a warm, comfortable place for a pug like me to rest his head after a long day. Laps are one of the most wonderful things in the world if you ask me. But not as wonderful as chicken. I like chicken.    

 

Mourning Dove Snatch

Loretta’s victim (too dumb to be injured)

Yesterday afternoon at 3:15 pm Loretta the Bulldog and her humans were enjoying a peaceful afternoon outside in there screened tent. Everything was well until an unexpected even occurred. A mourning Dove (the stupidest of all birds witch is really saying something) flew right into the tent!

The biggest problem with most birds is that when they fly into something like a tent or a house they can figure out how to get in but they can never seem to find their way out again. In this case this is exactly what happened. The mourning dove blindly flew into the screened side of the tent over and over desperate to find a opening to escape out of. The humans fled the tent but Loretta bravely stayed behind trying to defend her humans from this very small brained bird.

Loretta watched the bird flying repeatedly into the screen and then decided to take action. She leapt up and snatched the bird right out of the air with her mouth. She bravely carried the bird out of the tent to show her humans she had it under control but they did not react exactly as she expected.

“When I showed them I had bravely taken care of the situation instead of praising their Baby Girl they instead started hollering and running around like they were on fire.” Said Loretta when questioned. “I will never understand humans.”

Loretta’s humans removed the mourning dove from her mouth and then spent the next hour making phone calls, running around and in Loretta’s small girl human case crying her eyes out. Loretta was not given any praise or rewards for being so brave witch she found very strange. The humans spent lots of time watching the still mourning dove on the ground. When it moved slightly they cheered and when it finally flew away they hugged one another and the small girl human started to cry again.

“Humans are so strange.” Said Loretta. “You never know how they are going to react.”The tent is now safe from anymore bird surprises thanks to Loretta’s brave efforts and the humans decision to close the tent doors.

       

                 

Ball Game, The Most Wonderful Thing Ever

Lots of people love to argue over which games are better but the answer is very clear baby! The best game in the world and also the only one that matters at all is Ball Game. Ball game is the Baby Girls favorite game in the whole world. Just the words ball game get me super exited. My Dad and I play it every day for 20 to 30 minutes but I could go on playing for six to eight hours, I could.

Ball game is very simple to play and also extremely fun as well. The way this wonderful game works is that my dad wheres his baseball glove and throws a tennis ball at the basement wall and when it bounces off I run after it. It may not sound like much but this is all the Baby Girl needs to have said she had an excellent day. I love this game so much that one time I had to use the facilities real bad but I was enjoying Ball Game so much I did right then and there as I was playing.

The only beings I know that appreciate Ball Game are myself and my dad. My Mom and Racky have no idea what they are missing out on. One time I did try to teach Racky the rules of Ball Game but that pug is so thick you couldn’t cut through to him with a chainsaw, and instead he decided he would rather go outside and eat his own poop as an activity.

Yes Ball game is the most wonderful game in the world. The Baby Girl will always love her Ball Game and she will cherish the wonderful moments she has had playing it. Everyone should love Ball Game including you baby, because it is clearly the only game in the world that matters!     

 

Bad Bunnies

Cute and deadly and pooping everywhere

Many humans wonder why dogs hate bunnies. The answer is clear and simple, dogs hate any intruders who come into their territories and bunnies are the worst invaders of all. No matter how many times you chase them away they always return cottontails held high like they own the place (as a matter of fact they don’t!). They eat all the plants in my human ladys (Lady Charge’s) garden (not that I really care but I feel sorry for lower life forms when something doesn’t go right for them witch is a lot). As if invading and eating the plants in the garden isn’t enough they also leave there disgusting droppings all over the yard! And let me tell you it is not a pleasant surprise to step in one of those little gifts! The worst thing about bunnies by far is that they always get away with every one of these little pots to ruin my humans and I’s life because they are so darn fast that they are impossible to catch! If I could ever catch a bunny then they would be taught a lesson to stay out of my yard!

Many times I have caught bunnies red pawed eating all the plants in Lady Charges garden. Lady Charge doesn’t like it when I go in her garden because I run through the flower beds and pluck her gardening gloves. I do it anyway because it is quite amusing to watch humans get angry! I am always chasing those big eared nincompoops out of the garden but they escape under the fence ever time. I hate fences almost as much as I hate bunnies because they are always getting in the way. I have never gotten the bunnies to fully leave the garden alone but I sure have scared the living daylights out of the a few times!

Another terrible thing that bunnies do that I mentioned is that the poop all over the lawn. This part of bunnies I don’t mind so much because I do enjoy eating bunny poop but for my humans this is torture. They are forced to look where they are going when they are trying to play just so they don’t get their shoes nasty with rabbit dung! Bunnies find watching humans step in there poop amusing because I heard some of them laughing about it after my small human girl got her shoes covered in it. Don’t worry about them though I chased them off and hopefully they won’t be pooping on the lawn for a while for my humans sake.

The by far worst thing about bunnies it that they get away with all their evil schemes because they are much too fast to catch. I chase bunnies ever time I get the chance hoping that perhaps this time will be the time I finally catch one of those clover munching scoundrels but it never is. The only time I have ever gotten close to teaching a bunny a lesson was when I discovered a nest of baby bunnies in my backyard. Even then I wasn’t able to get back at the bunnies for making my life a constant work because my humans found out what I was doing and covered up the nest. I really don’t understand humans, if they hate the bunnies to then why don’t they let me teach those little fluff butted creeps a lesson for once.

I hope you know understand why dogs hate bunnies so much. They are constantly eating the garden, leaving their disgusting droppings on the lawn for my humans to step in, and they never get what they deserve for all the unspeakable things the do. I also hope you consider letting your dog teach bunnies a lesson if they have a chance, because your garden would probably be a whole lot greener if those big eared jerks weren’t always munching on it.               

 

       

                  

The true meaning of furniture

The true meaning of furniture is to serve dogs just like humans but for our butts. There are two different types of furniture, good and bad. The ones that are good will be listed below:

Bad Furniture Good Furniture
Humans Couch
Boxes Bean Bags
Heater Mats
Tables Beds
Floor Blankets
Cots Big Chairs

FOLLOWING DATA MAY OR MAY NOT APPLY TO CERTAIN DOGS OR CERTAIN BREEDS AND FURNITURE MAY APPLY.

Racky and the meaning of Sisters

If you want to know all about sisters I am the pug to talk to. I know everything about sisters mostly because I have one named Loretta. Lots of people have asked me what the meaning of sisters is, is it to annoy you, well partly, is it to have them tease you, yes that too, is it to have them just overall make your life miserable, well yes, yes those are the meanings of sisters and I should know because I have to live with Loretta.

My only true friend.
Loretta does her job of being a sister very well in my opinion, she is very annoying. Any time I try to get some rest she is always there reminding me who is boss by pushing me off the bed that we share. One time I tried to stand up to her I told her that I wanted to sleep and we share this bed. She wouldn’t have it though and she punished me by sitting on my head.

Loretta also teases me all the time. She teases me about my snoring not being loud enough to be qualified as a real pug. She teases me about always wanting food. Who doesn’t want food all the time?! My favorite food is chicken. I like chicken. Loretta’s all time favorite thing to tease me about is my stuffed hedgehog that I carry around all the time. I think that anyone who doesn’t carry around a stuffed animal is crazy but I think Loretta thinks the opposite of me on this matter.

Loretta makes my life miserable every time she has the chance. This is the most important rule of being a sister I believe. She makes sure everyday I get my daily time of having my head sat on, she takes all my favorite toys and bones, even my chicken flavored bone! I like chicken. And how could she forget to steal all the love from me when the Lady or the other humans are for once giving me attention.

Yes, the meaning of all sisters is to annoy, tease and make their siblings lives as miserable as possible. I still love my sister though. I also love chicken. Chicken is the best.  

       

                  

Ground Hog Invasion

The fat and furious invader!

Yesterday morning at 10:30 am Blanche the Bulldog was doing her morning routine of patrolling her backyard to make sure no intruders had invaded. She was almost complete when she heard a strange squeaking coming from under the old shed at the very back of her yard. Blanche usually avoided the back shed because it smelled like dead mice but she knew she must complete her duty so she bravely trotted over to the scene to investigate the mysteries sound.  

When she arrived at the back of the shed the smell of large rodents was very strong. Blanche knew that this would be dangerous mission but she was ready to confront it in order to keep her backyard safe. She slipped under the shed to investigate what kind lowly rodents had invaded her territory.

When she was successfully under the shed the smell of the rodents was stronger than ever. It was very dark underneath but Blanche bravely carried through with her mission even without sight. Blanche carefully crawled along the soft dirt underneath the shed, following her nose to the smell of the rodents when she ran right into a family of groundhogs!

“I was definitely taken by surprise.”  Said Blanche the Bulldog when questioned. “I was expecting bunnies or voles, but being the brave and amazing protector I am I scared those clover munching scoundrels away for good.”

Blanche remained under the shed even after she had scared away the groundhogs just to be certain they would not be returning anytime soon. The one problem with this almost brilliant plan was that Blanches humans though that she was stuck under the shed because when they called to her and even tempted her with food she still didn’t budge.

“Of course I didn’t move!” Said Blanche the Bulldog. “I was fulfilling my duty, and a Bulldog as smart as me would never get stuck under a shed.”

Blanches humans didn’t believe this though because they resorted to digging her out from under there with a shovel, and then boarding up the entrance to the underside of the shed. Although the entrance to under the shed was covered and this will mean that Blanche will not be able to get rid of any invaders who decide to make the shed their home, they may not be able to get under there at all with it being covered, because like Blanche said “If a bulldog couldn’t do it nobody can.

The most important thing though, is that for now the groundhogs will not be making the shed there home and the backyard will be a safe place to be in without having to worry about groundhogs being a bother.       

     

 

                  

Loving Boxes

Most dogs would rather spend their time in a dog bed or on the coach. But not me baby, for me the most perfect place to spend my time is in a box. Any box will do for the Baby girl as long as it’s not flat and Pug Brother has not already been in it.

The Baby Girl has always loved boxes more than anything else and I have made sure to make myself very clear on this matter. Whenever my dad or mom gets a box in the mail they know just who to give it to. I have even taught the children, the small girl mostly to love boxes as much as I do. Both her and me love to climb into boxes and relax. I have taught that girl well I have, she will grow up to be a smart young lady if she already has so much sense.  

The children know I love boxes so much that one time they even made a special one just for the Baby Girl. They colored all over it with there creative little hands and it was the most beautiful box I had ever seen, because I could tell they had worked so hard on it just for the Baby Girl. I climbed right into that box, I did and it was even more wonderful on the inside then on the out ( as most boxes are). The Baby Girl will always remember that box.

The Baby Girl not only loves the look of boxes but also the smell. Cardboard is one of the most soothing scents in the world when you are trying to get to dreamland. The best of all boxes is when the owners are nice enough to put down blankets in the box so that the Baby Girl has something comfortable to rest on as she enjoys her box.

I hope that you will try relaxing in a box for a change because they really are one of the most magical places in the world. The Baby Girl will always love her boxes and you should try loving them too.